We all need to belong!!!!

This is amazing how people want to belong and hence try and attach themselves to umbellical chords of indeinite length. Such attachment give us pains and pleasures of gossip little else.

Chartered Accountants feeling shortchanged by auditors and accountants of Satyam, as if the CFO and PwC owed to the CA brethren not make a quick buck. Boss ..."a hyderbad company & telegu promoters what else do you expect". Another cheat from Hyderabad as if all Hyderabadi's were cheats, as if all these guys are born criminals.

Brahmin's crying over a brahmin thief of letting their caste frown, as if we knew him to be a man of morals and he lets us down.

Isrealis have to be admired because we have a common enemy in the Al Qaeeda. Palestinians are our brothers because Indra Gandhu got a brotherly hug from Yassar Arafat.

The point is at any level these are individual decisions to do right or wrong, and they need to be judged accordingly, not because they belong or we belong to any group. All of us have a choice to life on our own terms.

Raju's committed crime because they wanted to, the auditors became careless or compromised on their own not after checking with their group " brethren" whether they should or not. Getting our minds out of this "belong" feeling will help us judge events on their merit.

We should get out of this neo-castism!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jazz.....(note 1)

I found that I like Jazz, why I dont know. Some of Jazz is noisy, and I can't find the rhythm or rhyme. Some is cool, traipzing, having great underlying rhythm. Does music need to have rhyme is probably the same as asking whether life needs a rhyme. The reason I agree to jazz, is that rules are there, but they are flouted. But what rules do you flout and what you dont. You note your mistakes, but it does not consume you, you pick up the thread and live on. And you still make great music. Flouting rules does not make you a bad guy, neither does keeping to rules make you a good person. So I find that Jazz is not judgemental. Jazz can be sentimental and heavy, quirky and light without the burden of making a meaning.

I find travel to be likewise, free form, routines are all new or not there, new people, newer smells sights and food (my heart is in it) never have any expectations of you to conform.

Meanwhile I have gorged myself on some Jazz... Keith Jarret, George Benson, Amy Winehouse (back to black), Gerry Mulligan. Devashis, you are welcome to it.

Why do we expect all our heroes to be perfect at everything why not accept their genious and let them live their lives the way they want to. I would like to say to Amy Winehouse.... sing the way you want to, live the way you want to, even if you had just sung two songs, I am happy that you landed on this earth.

Safe Driving : I do love you guys who read this blog more

I was to send this out yesterday, and may be our colleague may have seen it and not been part of the accident.

We are all software professionals, the operative word is professionals. As a professional, we understand the need to follow professional standards. Why a standard? A standard is meant to help us communicate by suggesting to the others that they can expect a code of behavior. We all use vehicles for commuting that are far harder, faster and make more damaging impact than what would be if we collided with each other while walking. We can cause Death, Permanent Disability, Disability, and losses to the individual, the family, property of a much higher order than we can truly fathom if we have not been close to one such incident.

Accidents usually happen to others… I know what I am doing…everyone drives badly….even if I drive on the wrong side I am careful… I was in a hurry….I had to do another 2 kms (or 50 meters) as there was a road divider, who will go all the way around…everyone was doing it… my son is only 13 but drives far better than most adults I know… I have taught him to drive so he is good…..I only followed the other guy …are just some of the refrains that you will be telling yourself at every moment that you decide to break some rules.

Some thoughts I have…

You need Self Discipline to be driving..

Will drive only if I have a license.
Will not allow any under aged child of ours or younger siblings to drive in contravention of law, i.e. without a driving license. Will keep vehicle keys out of reach of adventurous minors/unlicensed drivers.
Will follow all driving rules and ask all my friends to do the same.
Will not drink and drive and will prevent others from drinking and driving
An equally important corollary of the above is that I will not drive under sedation, when extremely tired, when I am under tremendous stress, while I am on the mobile phone… this applies to any situation when all your faculties, eyes, ears, mind, hands and feet that you use to drive a vehicle are not fully in control.
Will discourage others from breaking driving rules and etiquette or driving dangerously.
Always plan and give yourself enough time to commute, if you are getting delayed for a meeting, call, inform of your delay rather than drive dangerously to make it in time……… Miss your flight, Miss your meeting for god sakes don’t kill anyone, better late than never is the most apt phrase for the road.

One of the common dangerous situations arises when we have our kid on our lap while driving a car or have them sitting on the petrol tank of your motorcycle and allow them to control the direction of the motorbike. My Dad too did this with me but I was too young to be responsible and my father was not. I actually managed to pull the key out of the key hole and threw the key out of the window while the car was in motion. Fortunately, nothing nasty happened and the car which did not have power steering could be safely pulled over to the side…. we survived.


Some General Manthras…

1. Your vehicle should be good for the road (Road worthy). Check all these yourself:
Brakes
Hand brake
Steering,
Engine.
Gear box.
Head lights,
Turning lights,
Parking lights,
Mirrors in place,
Wipers
Tyres

Get your vehicle serviced regularly, you may be able to understand some of the above but a professional garage will do a more professional review of the road worthiness of your vehicle. Check out all important things before you leave the servicing garage, (even they can make mistakes and give your vehicle back half done).

2. Know your vehicle well. Test the various parts, position of the mirrors, gears etc. before you start.
3. Always drive on the correct side of the road, and in the correct lane. In case it is unavoidable as there can be if there is an accident on your lane, then you should have your hazard lights on. (press the button that gets your turning lights to blink on-off-on on both side of the vehicle.
4. Always be polite, even if the other party is at fault, road rage will prevent you from driving carefully once you are angry.
5. Your speed should be adjusted to the speed of the traffic, and appropriate to the distance between yourself and the vehicle ahead, the number of side roads that bring in traffic into the road.
6. Look out for traffic that may come on the wrong side, even if you are a responsible driver, there are many others who are not.
7. Always respect the traffic signals whether manned or unmanned. Do not look out for the absence of the policeman to cheat.
8. At a road signal, always wait for the Go signal to come on before you start. Wait for a couple of seconds to allow traffic that is already crossing to exit the crossing.
9. Do not stop your vehicle in the middle of the road to ask for directions, you should pull over to the side. Middle here means any part of the road that has reasonable traffic.
10. Give way to traffic coming from the right, right has right of way when two vehicles reach the same spot at the same time.
11. Give way to vehicles going up the slope while driving down a slope,
12. Do not make sudden changes to your direction, i.e. without adequate warning to other users of the road. Just because you have put out your hand or given a turning signal does not mean you can make the change to your direction without checking if the signal has been acknowledged by other party. You may still have to wait.
13. Do you know what a shoulder check is? When changing the direction of your vehicle to the right or to the left, you need to look out for vehicles that will pass you that come from either side, front and back. The shoulder check means a check that you do by turning your head so that your eyes sweep the area from your side mirror backwards covering the blind spot between the edge beyond your mirror and what you can see on your rear mirror. This is also to understand how fast the vehicle coming from behind will pass you. It is for this reason, that most side mirror carry this note “Objects in the mirror may be closer than may appear”.
14. It is always good for driver of the larger vehicle to humble, as he/she can cause the most damage. However, you should also keep in mind that the larger vehicles also react more slowly and you need to make allowance for that. How many of you have really understood why “LONG VEHILCE” is written on the back side of some trucks and taken cognizance of that and made changes to your driving decision?
15. Move off from the fast lane to allow others to go ahead, rather than letting them honk you out of the way.
16. Don’t honk… it is rude, flash a signal, look out for no Honk Zones, (as far as possible)
17. Take note of road conditions, cobbled roads, water logging, water and oil slick, sand at the edges can all cause your vehicle to behave abnormally and hence intended actions may turn out very different and dangerous results.
18. When you are coming from a unmetalled side road (kutcha) or road edge onto the main road (example : when we are getting out from our Bavdhan office on to highway), the road condition of the Kutcha road may not be reliable, or the water and slush from other vehicles may make the main road a little unreliable. We need to be very careful and not cause vehicles that are plying on the main road to make abrupt decisions. Why???? Because abrupt/Sudden decisions by these vehicles to brake, swerve and lose control, will cause other vehicles to make other abrupt/sudden changes and cause them to go out of control. Though you may go untouched by the incident, you would have still caused serious damage including death.
19. When you see a car coming out of the road side parking, do you try and speed around it, or do you slow and allow the vehicle to emerge? I see most drivers speeding up to cross the vehicle that is backing out rather than allow the other vehicle to back out. Do we have to be so rude? Why do we swerve around the vehicle, causing other traffic to similarly swerve, brake. I have seen umpteen such accidents happen in Pune on FC Road, of course the swerving motorist is not wearing a helmet.
20. Do not enter the fast lane unless vehicles have slowed down to allow you. Without confirmation of this, have the patience to wait for the traffic to slow down/pass
by. We are taught to cross the road correctly in school much of the same principles still apply.

21. Do not overtake from the wrong side specially a 4 wheeler, half the drivers do not have a side mirror and probably the other half do not look into that mirror. Just because you horn does not mean that they will drift into you. Anyway you are in error.

Some manthras while driving a two wheeler

Always wear a helmet. (I was saved by my heavy full mask ISI certified helmet as my bike skidded off the sand around a corner of a road. The strap around my chin did not break, my head with the helmet hit the road. I got up shaken but alive.)
Provide your pillion with a helmet too, you are always taking someone you care for ride,
Do not carry excess weight, or items that protrude out beyond the boundaries of your vehicle. Do not carry more than one pillion.
Do not drive side by side talking to other two wheeler driver, hogging the road and causing inconvenience to other drivers.
Please make sure that all clothing that is loose is tucked in for both the driver and the pillion. I have stopped at least a 100 motor cyclists asking them to tuck their Duppatta and Sarees so that these do not get into the wheel. My sister had a head injury just before the day of her marriage on my bike. I have felt compelled to stop and correct others ever since. Some thank me, some frown and scowl at this unwanted interference.

I take pride that I drive very very safe, (being slow is not necessarily safe) and I reduce the probability of causing an accident by my deliberate driving discipline.

I urge you all to read more about safe driving and inculcate good and safe driving habits. There are major adjustments to be made in your driving habits as you move from a learner to a licensed driver, as you upgrade from gearless bikes to geared ones, from a two wheeler to a car, from town roads to city roads, to highways and hilly terrains, from country to country. Be alert to all this.

There is much more to safe driving than this. I wrote most of this yesterday, I delayed sending this to all of you and may be lost a chance to stop one accident, and I am feeling somehow responsible for the accident to our colleague yesterday. I have a great deal of love and care for your lives, lives and welfare of your families, so this must reach you today.

Appa...

I missed you and I did think of all the things you meant to me. And yearning started from the time I got Amma's call to wish me on my birthday. I missed your voice on the phone.. But remembered your voice immediately from all the past years that you never missed and you were there with her when I heard her voice. As usual I did not have to wait the day to be wished, it was the first thing in the morning.
As far back as I can remember,
The innumerable kites that you allowed me to fly in Agra, running with all the kids chasing the kites that would have suffered ai bo kata, play gilli danda in the by lanes, playing running and catching in the construction sites, where we would take running jumps into piles of sand at the bottom.
Teaching me to ride the bike in Thane in the smelly ground behind our apartment block,... we hired the blue small cycle from the cycle shop, after Uma's turn, I sat on it and You pushed it a little and I pedaled as furiously as I could and went one round then as I neared you, you just picked me off the bike, and the bike just fell of to the side, at later times as I tried to stop, I ended up in the brambles, bruised but waiting for another turn.
The beautiful Cricket bat that you got me when we were in Hauz Khas H 7, and I promptly oiled it with linseed oil and as soon as it was ready, I lost the bat the next day. How much I hurt, but you did not get angry and let me feel the responsibility of being careless, you taught me to take responsibility for that hurt. It would have been so easy, to have just got a scolding, did my cry and move on.. But it was not your way.
The freedom to play matches all over Motibagh and elsewhere, allowing me to give the family movie outing a miss so that I could go and play outside. Teaching ,me some tennis strokes and giving your lovely Spalding- Pancho Gonzales tennis racket a going over against the Motibagh Garage.
The only hiding I remember is the one I got when I repeated some swear words that I picked up from Ram and repeated them at home not knowing what they meant.
Later on, letting me read you autograph books and diaries to inspire me to play tennis, read books. Narrating your stories from your school, college, Congo and making life that much more interesting.
Teaching us Chess, carom and Bridge, that consumed most of the hot summer vacation.
Taking on as many boarders into the house without the worry of trying to make ends meet, conflicts with study times etc. telling us by practice that being good is far more important than being rich.
In all this you also taught me to not be judgmental about people and make friends without fear of a rejection.
Later on as I was getting older, making me copy write from the news paper editorials for the summer vacation, to improve me awarness and more importantly my handwriting.
Coming to school to talk my Physics teacher Mr. Gupta and telling him why you cannot see how putting me for tuition with a teacher from whom I was not learning could help improve my Physics.
Helping me make the change from science to commerce and tolerating my shoddy college marks, not telling me to not play. Telling me that I should just make up my mind to do better. Your confidence in my abilities always were higher than my own.
Helping get past my first crash at Saket Main Market, when I rammed into the parapet wall.
Making the trip to Corbett and rekindling the love for wild life. Your legacy and love of long drives that lives deep in me.
As I finished Grad and was looking for a job, telling me that you could support me a few more years to do my CA, and that I could if I wanted not join Network as a Salesperson.
Telling me that I could smoke or drink, live the way I want to, as long as it was with my own money. Letting me onto my first Royal Enfield, while all around people were trying to tell me that the scooter would be right two wheeler.
Handling, the thug who wanted a 1000 bucks off me for damage to his Jeep.
Of course, responding to UB and E&Y interview invites while I was out of station with your imitation of my handwriting.
Sometimes when we get so much of a good thing as you, it leaves me greedy to have wanted more of all that we had good. But that is not the way life is, it is that you remember all these wonderful moments only when they stand out in relief against the life as it moves on, and more when I do not see you.
As I have grown older, I have become conscious of other things that you have told us by example... to let individuals take responsibility for themselves, to not covet what you have not earned, to be selfish enough so that I do not live life thinking that I have given up some joys and comfort for the sake of another. I should live without the pain of sacrifice, it should be the joy of having helped that should matter. And now the most important one ...to prioritise family in the larger scheme of things.
Appa, I often think about you and the way you handled your good and difficult times, the “stubbornness” all of your own in living the way you wanted to.
Thank you Appa for this wonderful life you brought me into. I owe you a big one...

illgoanywhere

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The Pench

The Pench Jungle is abt 100kms from Nagpur and a place that I had read about, kartik talked about and a few days break just happenned, and thanks to some planning and execution by you know who, and I have enjoyed myself. The terrain is very nice, the weather wonderful, the jungle still quite green with the ghost trees showing themselves more often. Did not drive at all. But it neverthless was a nice break, jungle trips morning and evening and ...

I stopped short due to a mood swing and haven't been able to get this back to a meaningful write or plonk..plonk..I have been grappling with some thoughts on how I am managing my relatiosnhips with people who I love...and when there are always a range of reactions for a situation...
say when Harini's describes an impossible (say difficult) situation...do I need to only hear it, do I need to react, do i neeed to help with it. there will never be clarity on what should be the response or no response, it is easiest still to deal with her as she will let me know sooner or later that I helped or that I got the wrong tack did a boo boo

Whatever my reaction, do others want to respond to my reaction, or as sometimes as she does (most times) she just thinks...forget it, he wont understand...i just got his ear to hear me, now I am done with my crib/rant or whatever..Shankar get out of my sight and let me handle this..

i usually feel suddenly left out of the solution when I seemed to be part of the problem...like i was some dumb furniture (which I guess I was then..since I have not really helped...).

fortunately...my memory is short and I go thru a number of such situations on a daily basis with family, friends, colleagues, bosses etc...all of them equally exasperated with me at different points of time..and I still can smile at everybody, whether they are smiling or not i dont know..like a blooming idiot, i blunder through this... probably the only thing that saves me is that I am bigger blooming idiot and I do not know when they want me to quit coming back to them smiling my smile...

Thanks all of you letting me carry one..

How does every one handle this kind of thing...like me...

Any way ...to each his/her own...

my learnings..trip one of two

it is some time since I blogged... blog is a free flow for me, i try to do it when my mind is uncluttered..The first one was a short trip to the US for business meetings. very interseting notings-pointers to me as I go about my business..

1. knowledge does not bring in business or pleasure, and lack of knowledge should not stop me from being happy or successful.. I have to still work on my knowledge overhang or the brahmin ovehang...if i do not understand, if I do not know, i will fail....

I met a few people who seemed to succeed far beyond what I expected them to...and they knew that they did not have the knowledge about the business they wanted(even the vaguest idea) except that they wanted it, and also knew that the others with whom they were interacting with did know that they did not have the knowledge...so the fear did not exist... the fear of making an ass of themselves, that fear which so often is my reason for hesitation..

So my first lesson... humility is inner honesty and gives you courage to do things that you want to do, so being stupid is an advantage, only you have to see it.

Also, an Ass (I) can be happy and succeed and otherwise fail and still be happy.

2. focus on what I want..I need to do that..I was just a few miles from the Flushing Meadows and did not go to see. Things that distracted me were the usual silly stuff and I lost a nice opportunity.. I had a whole half day free as some meetings did not happen.. should have just jumped in a cab and gone there. What distracted me was that this was not even remotely important for my companion.. and i gave up for sake of that companionship. I am sure he would not have minded my going to tennis courts on my own or may have accompied me, if only I had told him that I am going to make a dash for it.

my second lesson ... selfishness brings some focus and achievement,
trying to be accomodative is plain patronising ...cut that crap

3. Opportunities are everywhere to do what I love to do..... I am holding back by not getting off my butts, for reasons as silly as the one above...should break the bunds and let myself go..

other lessons...

Indian Spicy can mean just more red chilly powder sprinkles on whatever is served, or different Indians spice differently...

Nandini, i met Amber... but did not take her autograph, I would have looked a little silly but imprtantly it mattered only for you, I should have braved it and got another smile on your face, definitely worth the lie..

Should have hired a car... would have loved the driving and missed a few appointments happily....and succeded with Flushing Meadows and a few driving tickets

Uriah Heep still sells a few copies... just one CD in three large shops and yes downloads are doing better than physical music media..

LP players look like they are back and now come with USB ports and cost $250 same as a decent ipod and more cumbersome