I missed you and I did think of all the things you meant to me. And yearning started from the time I got Amma's call to wish me on my birthday. I missed your voice on the phone.. But remembered your voice immediately from all the past years that you never missed and you were there with her when I heard her voice. As usual I did not have to wait the day to be wished, it was the first thing in the morning.
As far back as I can remember,
The innumerable kites that you allowed me to fly in Agra, running with all the kids chasing the kites that would have suffered ai bo kata, play gilli danda in the by lanes, playing running and catching in the construction sites, where we would take running jumps into piles of sand at the bottom.
Teaching me to ride the bike in Thane in the smelly ground behind our apartment block,... we hired the blue small cycle from the cycle shop, after Uma's turn, I sat on it and You pushed it a little and I pedaled as furiously as I could and went one round then as I neared you, you just picked me off the bike, and the bike just fell of to the side, at later times as I tried to stop, I ended up in the brambles, bruised but waiting for another turn.
The beautiful Cricket bat that you got me when we were in Hauz Khas H 7, and I promptly oiled it with linseed oil and as soon as it was ready, I lost the bat the next day. How much I hurt, but you did not get angry and let me feel the responsibility of being careless, you taught me to take responsibility for that hurt. It would have been so easy, to have just got a scolding, did my cry and move on.. But it was not your way.
The freedom to play matches all over Motibagh and elsewhere, allowing me to give the family movie outing a miss so that I could go and play outside. Teaching ,me some tennis strokes and giving your lovely Spalding- Pancho Gonzales tennis racket a going over against the Motibagh Garage.
The only hiding I remember is the one I got when I repeated some swear words that I picked up from Ram and repeated them at home not knowing what they meant.
Later on, letting me read you autograph books and diaries to inspire me to play tennis, read books. Narrating your stories from your school, college, Congo and making life that much more interesting.
Teaching us Chess, carom and Bridge, that consumed most of the hot summer vacation.
Taking on as many boarders into the house without the worry of trying to make ends meet, conflicts with study times etc. telling us by practice that being good is far more important than being rich.
In all this you also taught me to not be judgmental about people and make friends without fear of a rejection.
Later on as I was getting older, making me copy write from the news paper editorials for the summer vacation, to improve me awarness and more importantly my handwriting.
Coming to school to talk my Physics teacher Mr. Gupta and telling him why you cannot see how putting me for tuition with a teacher from whom I was not learning could help improve my Physics.
Helping me make the change from science to commerce and tolerating my shoddy college marks, not telling me to not play. Telling me that I should just make up my mind to do better. Your confidence in my abilities always were higher than my own.
Helping get past my first crash at Saket Main Market, when I rammed into the parapet wall.
Making the trip to Corbett and rekindling the love for wild life. Your legacy and love of long drives that lives deep in me.
As I finished Grad and was looking for a job, telling me that you could support me a few more years to do my CA, and that I could if I wanted not join Network as a Salesperson.
Telling me that I could smoke or drink, live the way I want to, as long as it was with my own money. Letting me onto my first Royal Enfield, while all around people were trying to tell me that the scooter would be right two wheeler.
Handling, the thug who wanted a 1000 bucks off me for damage to his Jeep.
Of course, responding to UB and E&Y interview invites while I was out of station with your imitation of my handwriting.
Sometimes when we get so much of a good thing as you, it leaves me greedy to have wanted more of all that we had good. But that is not the way life is, it is that you remember all these wonderful moments only when they stand out in relief against the life as it moves on, and more when I do not see you.
As I have grown older, I have become conscious of other things that you have told us by example... to let individuals take responsibility for themselves, to not covet what you have not earned, to be selfish enough so that I do not live life thinking that I have given up some joys and comfort for the sake of another. I should live without the pain of sacrifice, it should be the joy of having helped that should matter. And now the most important one ...to prioritise family in the larger scheme of things.
Appa, I often think about you and the way you handled your good and difficult times, the “stubbornness” all of your own in living the way you wanted to.
Thank you Appa for this wonderful life you brought me into. I owe you a big one...
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
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