The Pench

The Pench Jungle is abt 100kms from Nagpur and a place that I had read about, kartik talked about and a few days break just happenned, and thanks to some planning and execution by you know who, and I have enjoyed myself. The terrain is very nice, the weather wonderful, the jungle still quite green with the ghost trees showing themselves more often. Did not drive at all. But it neverthless was a nice break, jungle trips morning and evening and ...

I stopped short due to a mood swing and haven't been able to get this back to a meaningful write or plonk..plonk..I have been grappling with some thoughts on how I am managing my relatiosnhips with people who I love...and when there are always a range of reactions for a situation...
say when Harini's describes an impossible (say difficult) situation...do I need to only hear it, do I need to react, do i neeed to help with it. there will never be clarity on what should be the response or no response, it is easiest still to deal with her as she will let me know sooner or later that I helped or that I got the wrong tack did a boo boo

Whatever my reaction, do others want to respond to my reaction, or as sometimes as she does (most times) she just thinks...forget it, he wont understand...i just got his ear to hear me, now I am done with my crib/rant or whatever..Shankar get out of my sight and let me handle this..

i usually feel suddenly left out of the solution when I seemed to be part of the problem...like i was some dumb furniture (which I guess I was then..since I have not really helped...).

fortunately...my memory is short and I go thru a number of such situations on a daily basis with family, friends, colleagues, bosses etc...all of them equally exasperated with me at different points of time..and I still can smile at everybody, whether they are smiling or not i dont know..like a blooming idiot, i blunder through this... probably the only thing that saves me is that I am bigger blooming idiot and I do not know when they want me to quit coming back to them smiling my smile...

Thanks all of you letting me carry one..

How does every one handle this kind of thing...like me...

Any way ...to each his/her own...

my learnings..trip one of two

it is some time since I blogged... blog is a free flow for me, i try to do it when my mind is uncluttered..The first one was a short trip to the US for business meetings. very interseting notings-pointers to me as I go about my business..

1. knowledge does not bring in business or pleasure, and lack of knowledge should not stop me from being happy or successful.. I have to still work on my knowledge overhang or the brahmin ovehang...if i do not understand, if I do not know, i will fail....

I met a few people who seemed to succeed far beyond what I expected them to...and they knew that they did not have the knowledge about the business they wanted(even the vaguest idea) except that they wanted it, and also knew that the others with whom they were interacting with did know that they did not have the knowledge...so the fear did not exist... the fear of making an ass of themselves, that fear which so often is my reason for hesitation..

So my first lesson... humility is inner honesty and gives you courage to do things that you want to do, so being stupid is an advantage, only you have to see it.

Also, an Ass (I) can be happy and succeed and otherwise fail and still be happy.

2. focus on what I want..I need to do that..I was just a few miles from the Flushing Meadows and did not go to see. Things that distracted me were the usual silly stuff and I lost a nice opportunity.. I had a whole half day free as some meetings did not happen.. should have just jumped in a cab and gone there. What distracted me was that this was not even remotely important for my companion.. and i gave up for sake of that companionship. I am sure he would not have minded my going to tennis courts on my own or may have accompied me, if only I had told him that I am going to make a dash for it.

my second lesson ... selfishness brings some focus and achievement,
trying to be accomodative is plain patronising ...cut that crap

3. Opportunities are everywhere to do what I love to do..... I am holding back by not getting off my butts, for reasons as silly as the one above...should break the bunds and let myself go..

other lessons...

Indian Spicy can mean just more red chilly powder sprinkles on whatever is served, or different Indians spice differently...

Nandini, i met Amber... but did not take her autograph, I would have looked a little silly but imprtantly it mattered only for you, I should have braved it and got another smile on your face, definitely worth the lie..

Should have hired a car... would have loved the driving and missed a few appointments happily....and succeded with Flushing Meadows and a few driving tickets

Uriah Heep still sells a few copies... just one CD in three large shops and yes downloads are doing better than physical music media..

LP players look like they are back and now come with USB ports and cost $250 same as a decent ipod and more cumbersome

Class and whatnot...language and prejudice...silence and the same

It is when i am traveling that i am myself and I enjoyed myself through the short trip to Baramati. Except for a brief concall that i sat through, kept away from work. Some musings....

Through school, home, work and all other living, we live with others and want to belong. This is sometimes very overt and sometimes very subtle. This belonging seems to bring about our identity. But, the need to conform means that we apply thumb rules rather than first principles, and we start messing about with our core values and sometimes we do not even notice how we drift from what we identify as core values. As i grow and see the world i need to become adult in the true sense... a free spirit, strong enough to live life by my principles, take responsibility, also convey my free spirit and mentor others along the values i believe in...now is that creating another class.. yes and no.... i should stop at letting the mentored see their own wings...

So what are my values...

Equality ...... do we need to believe in that... how often we agree with " all fingers are not alike", Classy knock, how do we absorb the concept of Equality....to me I have simplified it to mean that all people need to be treated with equal respect, I try to live this referring to everyone by using Aap, neenge or irrespective of age, hierarchy in organisation. I need to clearly establish to the next person that I do respect him. I have tried to ask myself if I am doing to prevent the other from being disrespectful to me, or is it because I feel a little less than them...

Humanity..... always feel that i can offer something good to the others... thoughts and words, things and feelings.... This keeps me connected with the reality and sometimes the humble conclusion that it may not be needed.

So am i getting into this now...

Some small instances has made me want to review my own thoughts...

It did hurt me to think that someone can be think that they are beneath me (or worse above me). And it hurt me more to see that happening around me and somehow let it be.

Also, I am jarred when I think people feel that I will necessarily be friendlier, closer because they look, talk and live like me. This may be emperically concluded, but it is not the truth.

Of course it does not mean that I will have not have preferences for people... I will always have some people with whom I share more, I feel more about. This is not necessarily because we belong to some group, but incidental to our laughs, crys, anger and other feelings expressed to each other.

Like, as english speaking poeple , we feel so superior to the others who do not speak english, we will exclude such others believing that they will not be able to add anything to our lives or us to theirs. This of course true of most groups by whatever name they are called..tambrams, bongs, mallus, management teams, I hear only classical music, see only art films.. we talk in a mumbo jumbo so that some are excluded and so silent and discriminated. Sometimes we talk to place ourselves as superior and sometimes we stay silent so that our silence makes us superior, what games, mischief..We are so wrong. I have trusted & put my life in the hands of people who could not speak any language i speak, probably live a year on less than what spend in a day. They only knew from my eyes that I needed help. I know better now. We do not need to feel or act superior to live and live well, for we are not.

How do I teach my child to be competitive (grow her skills) and yet become a person with a sense of respect for the other even if the person scores less marks than her and not suffer because another has won the race, not carry the arrogance of education (sometimes just felicity with language) but still benefit from it, and never to be beaten by another's arrogance. How do I give her simple clear lessons and mentor her with values which are mine. How do I teach her that to give is not being superior but just fortunate to be in a time and position to give? Do I need to? Or is what I am doing - being near her through her stumbles and tries helping her grow strong wings to be the free spirit, the correct way.

My dad let me be... so I will let Nandini be....

Harini and Chak dhe

Hey.... she has been into the movie and allthrough her playing days during and after the movie. Wondering why this had get into my blog... well i just got caught up with the idea that "illgoanywhere" also has to do with travelling in time and that is is what it did to her and vicariously to me... , well the movie had another effect on me...I wanted to chak the aam ka achar, chak the job, chak chack at the dead wood in my head and what not and get din chak into my life again... So I have eaten chinese, taken a day off, a got swanky wardrobe upgrade, been on the bike for the longest since i bought the bike...

Travelling in time thru Chak de...was back to my college days when I played with passion but without a sense of destination..some may call that purpose..but my purpose was abso hedonistic and I have not had a life like that since...

Well today in my life some years back and I held hands with H in the Maruti Van as I dropped her to her flight, I felt just right and felt that we had it in us to take on a life of adventure...and we talked about adventure and travel .. We came back from Egypt taking ideas with but $2 in hand as we touched down, the US trip was one big drive, gave up some big bucks to be near parents, Harini bravely got Nandini out through a minefield of Obstetrics, Twistntales with all its turns and wagging tails....

... and we have done that to an extent...but over the last few years and through some events we have fallen into a pensive, responsible, risk averse family... But as Nan is becoming stronger, H is back to being herself and I am possibly the slowest to respond...

We are back into our risky ways and I am liking it for all it is worth. So Chak dhe....here I come...fast and furious and serious fun

Epilogue from Fiji

Hi! Blog.... Do think of you much as a diary..except I am cheating and back dating this to a few days back..while in Fiji. Some of highlights of the second day of my visit (personal side) was meeting with some new entrepreneurs Naren who use to be CEO and Mahen who used to be a banker but now runs a chain of 3 eating places in Fiji. Meeting with entrepreneurs, is an enriching experience (as is when people meet H or Shyam).. Confident guys who do not need a monthly paycheck to work a lifestyle. Mahen's place Rosy's heart is a cozy restaurent and he dished a lot of fantastic food. Thanks Mahen for the food and Naren for your sense of humour.

The other impactful event was the prayer said at dinner time, very solemn, with confidence in their faith ,and simple and direct. I have learnt how to pray a little better. Thanks Alipate for this, and for the nice drive back to the hotel..I cannot call you Mr. in my blog. So you have bear with this.

Traveler in Fiji

I have landed in Fiji by some quirk of fate....absolutely mixed up case...but Since me the traveller has started blogging, I have also travelled a bit and am enjoying everybit of it. Paulo Coelho and Alchemist comes to mind. But as I have just got started on "fooled by randomness" , I will just enjoy my peace that comes with flowing with the tide..and this time across the world, and now am very near the international date line. Fascinated that I could get a whole day behind by just stepping across a line and come back to today by stepping back. so much for the time machine...

These are wonderful islands and pleasent people, I have received so many unasked for smiles and pleasentness and I have smiled back in great measure as well. We had a welcome song for us at the airport at Nadi from where we flew in a 12 seater to Suva the Capital city. the 20+ minute ride was right accross the island which is hilly and green most of the way. English is spoken by all and Hindi by the lot of Fijians of Indian Origin..

We walked the market and looked into some shops... and the market closes at 5 to give time to all to live their lives too...A surprise for H, if it makes its way safely back. I will look for some surprises for N and may be some others...aah but tommorrow is a different start to the day....so will take it as it comes.

The Holiday Inn in Suva where I am staying, is beautiful and is located on the shore line.. A little walk and we are down to the pier and the Ships on the water are equally facinating...May be we can do a trip down here again..a restful place. Hope to get back soon to the hotel as they have live Jazz program this evening.

May 2007

I have travelled a bit May 2007 mostly through Himachal, driving a ford fiesta ( not that the car is name is important, but may be useful to some) for 14 days starting 13th from Pune and end 26th in Pune, flew down to Delhi and then drove around to and from Himachal. This was litterally a break, phone calls a few the fag end of the trip, clocked 1800 km of which 1200+ in the hills, got as far high as 13000 ft + in the car and then some more walking..Thank you Harin for all the prodding and planning...



The driving was strenuous and exciting, but with the fantastic company of Harini, Nandini and ofcourse Vernen. I would like to think they enjoyed the driving as much as I did. All of them braved the ride to allow me to freakout driving. Weather was good mostly and roads were passable in the hills, except around the Jayprakash hydel project area. The car held up magnificently without even a puncture and the crew did even better without a whimper of complaint. Nandini is growing up to be quite a sport (she threw snow at some kids abt her age, and refused to understand why they would not laugh at her and throw some back at her), managing well even though without any small people (size 8 yrs or so in the crew).



The itenary Delhi 14th morn - Thanedar 14th eve, Thanedar - Shoja 14th, Shoja - Sangla 15th, Sangla 15th-19th, Manali 19th -23rd, Shoghi 23-24, Shoghi-Delhi 25th..

There were highpoints every day..the drive, walking with H & N, Thanedar where I drank quite a few glasses of apple wine, (not cedar), Sangla where we learnt to ski without equipment, on our seats and on our (shoed)feet, snow capped mountains, morning sunlight turning the rocky peaks golden, the snow drifting down the high and water tricking from under them, walks through the village, the huge Deodhar trees, putting our feet into the icy cold streams, little birds and the Himalayan vulture that seemed stood 4' + and i believe has wingspan of 8' + (near Rohtang) , Para riding down the hill and collecting a video recording - a certficate of adventure to show everyone, (as H says a demonstration that I am a 18 year old in a 45 year body (she actually said17, but then I would lose my licence to drive), no phone calls, no serious sicknesses, some anxiety about reaching before darkness, running out of fuel, watching Vernen checking out his vertigo and improving the inches on his left biceps, shopping at Manali, Simla- pickles, wine, woolens, shirts, a multipurpose tool. It is on a holiday like this that I want to be busy to not waste the precious vision of the Himalayas ( by being lazy, staying in bed) and trying to laze to recoup from a tough year of work, want to do a lot of stuff with H & N and also want sit up in a warm and cozy place under the quilt, cuddling, talking inane stuff and laughing for nothing, fighting with yourself to pick between warming up to a fire in the open hearth and talking to new acquaintances who travel through their experiences or to spend the time with H & N in warmth of heart - that we have planned for a whole year back. So we did all this stuff we could and felt I want some more of the holiday, if only I did not need to get back...I guess I was on high, delusions of fun cause by the effect of high altitude on the brain...I have promised to come back for more, tougher longer trips in this unbelievably beautiful country.

Often we think...what would be like to travel, live on the road and teach N geography, history and science traveling across the country north, south, east, west. Will she not be better educated then, will we be doing her (own life and career) harm, with a bohemian vision of life...risk averse that we are we will do all this by summer and winter school vacation...
The low point was not being able to play with N in abundant snow at Rohtang as N was not well that day.

Another drift of thoughts...of the thoughts that comes to me as it must do to others...we all want relief from things that we do daily, for some it is the office/work stress, school, study...then I think of the relief map and then say aaaaaaaaaah! the relief map allows you to see the contours of the land and hence help you understand the land better, you get perspective of the ups and downs.....travel does that to me...helps me understand the land, the times, people and my own responses to all these much better.

As I travelled, often excerpts from the "Zen and the art of ...." would come to me ...i have started to like the book again.

Nurturing, Duty,reciprocation, responsibility and whatnot

Nurturing....some do a wonderful job of it... they take time out for people they care for and I love them for that. But I am different.......I give 100% to whoever is in front of me and try and get accross a honesty of purpose, empathy and a oneness is the thoughts that we share..not necessarily thinking alike but thinking for the same purpose..I am there for them for the moment, for the hour, for the day or for every moment I spend with them, that too is nurturing. Of course, more is achieved by doing this in a planned manner.... both people make the time for sharing and and hence do not miss out in the humdrum of activity that surround us...For me life is the spontaniety...i do not want reflect in the past...I do not want to peek into the future......I am travellor without a destination....either in people or places.. and i have been lucky that most have accepted me... will I change ...god knows...

Is nurturing done with an anticpation of reciprocation..should that return of nurturing drive your need to nurture or is that a usual fallout of having nurtured goodly.. I know that as children parents do the nurturing not with the thought that it will be returned in good measure and these days sometimes it does not....for instance I do not return a hundredth of what I have received... and I often nurture the realtionship with people who posiblly do not feel like nurturing back...but what the heck I cannot stop myself... i love who i love, and do not some others...i am liked by people I dislike and it possibly goes the otherway around too...I think we should let our instincts work for us and not try and not try and control ourselves, our emotions and manage those of others...


The word duty is made to sound like a burden, that one needs to bear....it is thoroughly the other way, is duty something that someone decides for you or is it something that you feel that that you have to do because you want to do..except that it may not be fun while doing it or sometimes there are no rewards...thank yous...etc..except for a feeling inside you that you did your best...why should doing your best be so painful... it may difficult, tough but surely it gives you a purpose... the purpose is to achieve happinness, improve wellbeing or alleviating yours or someone elses sorrow, pain etc...

What is responsibility....it is what we through my actions, behaviour and language convey to ourselves and others that they can count on me/us or they cannot...while in the latter case it ceases to matter, when the "I" conveys that "I" can be counted upon by me or others and then what we do is we commit a breach of that promise... I guess we are being irrresponsible...

We are what we are i.e. our identity is a summation of our activities such as nurturing, our attitude to our duty and responsibility as seen by ourselves first and similarly by others... so every minute of our lives I am determining who that I is...
Is being responsible a cross that we carry? Should we fear it...No enjoy it...it is what make I me ....

But with all this, I mess up from time to time...sometimes the situation messes the I up...some times someone else messes me up... as a traveller, I laugh, cry, I correct, say a sorry, a thank you and pick myself up and travel from and to everwhere...

Some ruminations on what is important to me...Harin (Big J) thanks for picking this line today as you looked over my shoulder....
hey..putting things down on paper...(blog) does bring a lot of clarity...

thanks T, J, and Big J..for bringing this blog thingy myway...

myownpage..ha.ha...

I am Shankar, shanks, appa... (i am doing an intro for myself) don't know if that is how we get started -blogging...is an identity important or only my blog.....is my skill with words that will interest people or is it me...do I want people to be interested in me...have not figured this out...So will start this blog as that is the "in thing"...also when every one is opening up to the world with this... i should too...or Nandan and Harin will find me dated.....now to get back to the intro..used to be very happy go lucky...hope to get there again..soon very soon...I am blogging thanks to some inspiration from harini, whom most will know as janaki...a typical gemini I am, can change course every minute to everyones smile or consternation or whatever....i like myself that way..i smile better than I frown..i guess most of us do.....the laff is the best face I have got for sure... love Nandan..and harin...and just about everyone afterthat...need to get a little fitter...now a little about the blog identity which has " I'll go anywhere...."..I am happy treveller in all senses flitting flirting walking moving so I should be me...I was trying to fill in the form on this blog and that is all that came off my fingers....